Are you unemployed? Sick of your job? Bored with your girlfriend? Hating school? Wishing your pop-fly to left field was a triple? Jealous of your neighbor’s 2021 Audi RS 5 phantom-black automatic with premium wheels, heated front seats, and a moonroof?

If so, you need Riskatol: Our new and improved medication for a better lifestyle.

We at Perilinc Pharmaceutical know that people like you are going through rough times. We want to get you the support you need and deserve, not through stimulus checks or Coronavirus vaccines, but our best-selling medication.

When taking Riskatol, do not operate heavy machinery. Consuming alcohol while taking Riskatol may induce irrational behavior, aggressiveness, an intense craving for flapjacks, a sudden belief in conspiracy theories, and sleep apnea.

Swelling of the small toe, tongue, or eyelids may occur.

Get Riskatol Today!

Side effects may include:

Acute Kidney Failure

Bed-Wetting

Chickenpox

Dumping Syndrome

Ebola

Fractured ribs

German Measles

Hoarding Disorder

Erectile Dysfunction

Involuntarily Turning Your Neck to the Left

Jock Itch

Kidney Failure (Non-acute)

Lead Poisoning

Malaria

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Overactive Bladder

Polio

Questioning the meaning of life

Rabies

Schizophrenia

Trichotillomania

UTIs

Ventricular Fibrillation

Wrinkles

X-linked agammaglobulinemia

Yelling at Biden Supporters

Zoning out (linked with ADHD, Narcolepsy, or Watching the Weather Channel)

Artist’s Statement:

“While I lay in my bed, I thought about the subject of my abecedarius. I was clueless until I stumbled upon the idea of making a drug commercial. The alphabetical list was all of the possible side-effects of the medication. After using Mayo Clinic’s website to search for conditions and diseases in alphabetical order, I took the funniest and least realistic side-effects I could find.

I also based the opening lines on real commercials. I searched YouTube videos, and my father and I laughed our asses off to them. The part about operating heavy machinery and swelling came from a real commercial for a drug called Ambien CR.

Lastly, I tried to weave a few current events for an extra kick.”